no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
