Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
