Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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