Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
