Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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