We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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