I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
