Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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