It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
