ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
