I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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