i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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