Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
