At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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