my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
