yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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