Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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