He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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