I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
