So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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