guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
