I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
