Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
