Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
