Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
