dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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