just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
