I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
