i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
