I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
