does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
