New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have feelings that need drinking.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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