Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
