I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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