im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
