Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
