I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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