So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
