I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
