Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
