Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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