Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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