I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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