so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
