I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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