One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
