Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
