I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
