He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
