I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Couch. On fire.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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