Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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