just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
