i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
we should paint friendship bongs
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