idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you didnt know i had herpes?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You are a genius and a whore.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
