Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
