I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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